Nagging Feeling

Its 1 in the morning and I am wide awake. Seriously I am dead tired. Just can't sleep. Its one of those nights when I am caught up in my thoughts and worries.

I think what is bothering me most is possibility I am not getting as much out of this experience as I could. I hate to admit it, but I haven't used a whole lot of Japanese since I got here. In situations when I need to, of course I try. But other than that, my classes are taught in English, most of my friends speak English to me, and I live in an international dorm where the primary language spoken is of course also English. I can speak Japanese better than I could when I initially got here. But that really isn't saying much. I am okay if I am speaking colloquially, but I always end up spitting out some really informal phrase at the wrong time. It is not easy to put together entire sentences. And they hardly come out as complete thoughts. Haha my Japanese is a fragment of words and ideas, not necessarily strung together properly or grammatically.

My second concern is that I have not made a lot of Japanese friends. Its not that I haven't made any, its just that I wouldn't say we have done a lot together. They are more of acquaintances at this point. A good number of the girls went to international schools in Japan too, so they have absolutely perfect English. Everyone is really nice though. I see a number of the girls on a weekly basis, just haven't really hung out that much yet. We need time and the chance to do things together. A big problem is that my phone won't let me text certain people. I don't know what the problem is. But communicating has been hard. Everyone here texts, so I have been out of the loop lately.

I have heard that two of the biggest regrets foreign exchange students have are 1. not making many friends from the country they are in and 2. not improving their language skills. I feel like if I don't make more of an effort, I will regret these aspects as well. It worries me that I have already been here for over a month and I don't really feel like I have been doing well in either area. I remind myself that this is only the 3rd week of school, but then again I turn it around and think "I have already wasted 3 weeks..." I need to make some changes. Time is going so fast. I have just a little over 3 months and my chances are fleeting. I don't want to regret what I can change.